I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
