Will you blow on my dice?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
