I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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