Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
