who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
