She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
