HIV tests are more positive than that guy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
