on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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