he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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