Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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