Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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