he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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