are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
