You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
