shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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