My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
