My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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