someone owes me an orgasm
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
