Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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