just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
