i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
