Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
