I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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