he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
