just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
