I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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