i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
