if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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