I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
