Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
