And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
