i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
