Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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