The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She needs sedatives and a leash
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
