but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
