Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize