I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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