Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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