i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
