I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
