What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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