that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
