Umm I'm too high to move.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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