Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
