Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
