Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
