The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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