She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
