Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I supernannyed him into submission
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
