Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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