I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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