what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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