I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
