Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
