Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
