I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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