During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
