i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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