he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
