Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
