So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
