Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
