The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
