I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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