Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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