I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
