don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
