when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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