Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
