How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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