I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize