he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he thought i was a dude.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Congratulations! We have a period
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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