I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
