How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We're too hungover to prance.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
