I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize