you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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