That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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