Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
